At a Starbucks, Overlooking a busy street

In midst of a crowd,
he wheels past, fast,
blazing like a blur.

3 comments
blzblack
blzblack

nice. You could cut "fast" since the last line says this better. The title kind of confuses. After some thought, I assume someone observes a car from Starbucks, but it sounds like someone's driving in a car inside Starbucks.

Diaskeaus
Diaskeaus

I did this in the form of a Chinese poem; Chinese poets often title their poems as to their location, rather than talking about a specific theme within the poem. I think it's an interesting way to observe the exterior of a haiku (although I realize I failed in my haiku, as the second line is only five syllables). Actually, I was sitting on the second floor of a Starbucks, which overlooked a busy street of many bicycles.

chriswaugh_bj
chriswaugh_bj

Nice. Don't see the ambiuity blzblack complains of, personally. And the image you gave me was a cyclist speeding through the traffic in a way only Tianjin's cyclists can.