Birds

Wind blows on framed trees,
outside, birds flock on rooftops,
black shades upon white.

8 comments
clarionj
clarionj

You've been posting a lot of poems and I've been wanting to comment, but work is occupying too much of my time to read carefully and say anything more than "I like this." Anyway, I DO like this and I think it gives credence to writing haiku in English and keeping to the minimal syllables (I've read a lot about the need to use more syllables and lines because our language isn't as compact (?) as Japanese). Also I think you do well with using the first two lines as sharp images, setting up the mood, and then the last to give us something to think about--what shades mean, what white and black means, etc. So, yeah, nice haiku. I've also liked a lot of the other poems you've posted and wish I'd been able to comment. One day, work will slow and I'll have time to appreciate literature again.

sentientpuppet
sentientpuppet

I read it as one also but if I were to be an ass (and I sort of was one) is it actually two?

sentientpuppet
sentientpuppet

good Haiku... only one thing though. And I'm being a total ass here but hate me its just the internet... first line is one syllable too long. Unless you read framed sort of as one syllable. but then you never specified this as strict haiku or even haiku at all for that matter. but wait... now that I think about it. is Framed one or two syllables? Your the english teacher here.

Diaskeaus
Diaskeaus

Yeah, I'm considering framed to be one syllable. In some poems I've written, framed has been two syllables, but those poems tended to be more archaic in language. Or it could be that my studying Chinese is degrading my English. Who knows... Haikus seem like such cheap shots to me. I don't think I've come to peace with them yet. Working on it, though.

Anonymous
Anonymous

yeah I think I have yet to write a haiku beyond that which was required in highschool poetry class I don't know if I'll really warm up to them ever maybe I should try

sentientpuppet
sentientpuppet

yeah that was double stupid ummm I'm going to shut up entirely now

Anonymous
Anonymous

crap... I wasn't logged in sorry. and that last post I was trying to reply to raccaldin36 I don't know what happened

raccaldin36
raccaldin36

I read "framed" as one syllable. If it were two, then he ought to throw in a "fram