Gives new meaning to the word “sucker”…

　　“蚊子尸体，6元一只，普通家蚊，真正手工打死的！”一男子因在网上以6块钱一只的价格卖自己亲手打死的蚊子而走红网络。48小时内，这件名为“家蚊标本，可供学术研究、装饰、收藏，6元每只”的商品已经有了20万的浏览量。网友们一致评价，这是一次经典的商业策划，甚至可以记入MBA教程。据说已经有两家外地公司请店主去做企业策划。

“Dead mosquitoes, 6 yuan each, common household variety, actually killed by my own hand!” A man selling mosquitoes he killed by hand has put up a really popular website. Within 48 hours, the site advertising “Mosquito samples, useful for scientific research, decorating, collecting, 6 yuan each,” got more than 200,000 hits. Visitors to the site all say this is a classic business plan, some suggest it should be included in an MBA curriculum. Rumor is that two companies already have contacted the website owner asking him to create their business plans.　　

1. 卖的是疯子，买的是傻子。
The seller is crazy, the buyers are stupid.

2. 还是建个博物馆好，既可供人们参观，又可增加收入。
Suggest you open a museum, take people on tours, increase your income.

3. 生财有道，炒作有理。
This speculator knows how to make a buck.

4. 那两家外地公司，估计一个是做“蚊香”的，一个是卖“风油精”的，全是“兄弟单位”。
So those two companies, I guess one makes mosquito repellent and the other makes scented balm, together they are complimentary businesses.

5. 二十万人好奇，激活一个财迷！
Two hundred thousand curious people, all encouraging a greedy person!

[The above is from a recent edition of 每日新报’s daily “interactive” news column — readers send in a short text message in response to an odd or strange news item]

Must have been quite an evening …

北京一家酒楼，居然在同一天的同一个大厅内安排了一场婚宴与一场丧宴。同一场地，不同气氛，让那对新婚夫妇非常尴尬。近日，在法院调解下，该酒楼给付新人黄某夫妇精神抚慰金1500元。

Surprisingly, a restaurant in Beijing on the same night arranged a wedding dinner and a funeral dinner. Same space, entirely different atmospheres. This caused the newlyweds a lot of embarrassment. Recently, following the court’s decision, the restaurant had to pay the newlyweds a 1,500 RMB “comfort” fee.

1. 用另类方式提醒新娘新郎别乐极生悲。
A different way to warn the bridegroom that extreme happiness ends in sorrow.

2. 悲喜交加，哭笑不得！
Mixing feelings of sadness and happiness, don’t know whether to laugh or cry!

3. 一方欢喜一方流泪，好好情感全都浪费。逝者不安新人受罪，酒店安排太过不对。
One party laughing, the other crying; perfectly good emotions wasted. The family of the deceased felt uneasy and the newlyweds had to endure hardship; the restaurant made a huge mistake.

4. 死者经历了一次“爱的洗礼”；新人经历了一场“死的考验”。
The deceased went through a “trial by love”; the newlyweds went through a “trial by death.”

[The above is from a recent edition of 每日新报’s daily “interactive” news column — readers send in a short text message in response to an odd or strange news item]

Qiu Xiaolong 裘小龙, a Shanghai-born writer now living in the U.S., published Death of a Red Heroine 红英之死 in 2000, and inaugurated the popular Inspector Chen Chao mystery series … I’ve read the first two — the second is called A Loyal Character Dancer 外滩花园 (2002) — and am now reading the third, When Red is Black 石库门骊歌 (2004) … Qiu’s detective novels, set in modern Shanghai, are written at the margins of socio-political criticism, as the titles, which contain references to Red heroines and the Cultural Revolution, might suggest …

I imagine I belong to a very small fan club: Foreigners living in China who are reading the Chinese editions of novels Qiu Xiaolong originally wrote in English … Anyway, I thought from time to time I’d post here the chapter summaries I’m writing in Chinese, along with my translations of same:

总结首3个章的裘小龙的侦探小说《石库门骊歌》:

《石库门骊歌》的首3个章是比较简单的。 因为陈队长正在放假，上海H市公安局警官于光明成了一起重大凶杀案的负责人。这起案件中的受害人是”文革”作家尹骊歌（她曾在”文革”时当过红卫兵）。 “文革”结束后, 她撰写的小说被视为是批评了红卫兵, 因此被归为”问题作家”。从此，她停止了写作,淡出了公众的视线。

为了检查现场于光明去了尹骊歌的住处(是一个”石库门”式建筑）。在当地他遇到一位街道民警,老梁。 聊起这个案子时，老梁告诉于光明, 尹骊歌在八十年代刚搬来那间弄堂时, 她独居在阁楼里, 没有什么朋友, 和邻居的关系也处得不好。 说到她的写作, 大家好像都知道她写的那些书, 而且都不喜欢和她谈起其中的内容。 大家经常说, “她不属于这儿。” 但老梁还说, 其实邻居们大概也都没读过她的书 (老梁也没看过这本小说), 他们只是听说, 并不是那么了解尹骊歌的意图。于光明向老梁道谢以后, 俩人决定一起去尹骊歌的住处勘察犯罪现场。

Summary of the first three chapters of Qiu Xiaolong’s When Red is Black:

The substance of the first three chapters of When Red is Black is fairly straightforward. Because Chief Detective Chen is away on vacation, Yu Guangming, a police officer in the Shanghai “H” district who works for Chen, is put in charge of investigating an important murder case. The case involves the death of a writer, Yin Lige, who wrote about the Cultural Revolution, during which she had served as a Red Guard. After the Cultural Revolution, she published a novel that was thought to be critical of the Red Guards, and she was labeled a “problem writer.” She stopped writing and retired from public life.

In order to investigate the crime scene, Yu Guangming goes to Yin Lige’s residence. There he meets Lao Liang, a neighborhood security guard, and chats with him about Yin Lige. Lao Liang tells Yu Guangming that in the 1980s, when Yin Lige first moved to the neighborhood, she lived by herself in a garret, didn’t have many friends, and her neighbors did not like her very much. [Note: 石库门”shí kù mén” is a popular architectural style in Shanghai; Yin Lige lived alone in a tiny artist’s garret, or 亭子间 tíngzijiān.] It seems that they were aware of what she had written and didn’t want to talk to her about it. People said “She doesn’t belong here.” But Lao Liang also said that he doubted many of her neighbors actually read what she’d written, probably they’d just heard about it, and maybe they didn’t really understand Yin Lige that well. After thanking Lao Liang for his help, Yu Guangming goes with Lao Liang to look at the crime scene.

Ever wonder whether it’s worth spending the time to learn how to write Chinese characters? Some Chinese are beginning to think it doesn’t matter:

今年下半年，写字课将列为哈尔滨中小学必修课。但一些学生家长却担心，课业负担越来越重，一些主要课程的作业都写不完，哪有时间再去完成写字课的作业呢？还有一些家长认为，字不好看无所谓，将来都是无纸化办公，谁还用手写。不如腾出时间多学学其他技能。部分老师也苦于课时太紧写字课难安排。

In the second half of this year, handwriting classes for Ha’erbin primary and middle-school students will become required courses. But quite a few parents are worried that the lesson load is becoming heavier and heavier, there’s hardly enough time for the main coursework, how will there be time for handwriting homework? And some parents think that it doesn’t matter if one’s handwriting is poor, soon there will only be “paperless” offices, no one is going to write by hand. It would be better to make time for the study of other skills. Some of the teachers are troubled that there won’t be enough time in the class period to arrange for handwriting lessons.

1. 不练习写字，字写得“中国人看不懂，外国人不明白”，那有再多的知识也会被人耻笑!
If you don’t practice handwriting, what you write “can’t be read by Chinese people, and won’t be understood by foreigners,” so no matter how much knowledge you have you will still be ridiculed.

2. 科技促使无纸化办公发展了,也使有些人的手指变懒啦！
Technological advances bring about the paperless office, and also cause some people’s fingers to become lazy!

3. “文房四宝”逐渐减少，取而代之新四宝：“手机、复印、传真和电脑”。
“The writer’s four essentials” are disappearing, and are being replaced by four new treasures: “Cell phone, copier, fax and computer!” Note: Traditionally, the writer’s four essentials are the brush, ink, paper and ink stone (湖笔、徽墨、宣纸、端砚)

4. 中国人写不好中国字，确实有点儿说不过去！
It’s really unacceptable for Chinese people to write Chinese characters poorly!

5. 读书万卷破，下笔手哆嗦。写完自己看，不识是什么。
Study countless books, begin to write and your hand trembles. You take a look at what you’ve just written, and you can’t read a word of it. Note: The first sentence is a play on the Tang poet Du Fu’s famous saying, “读书破万卷，下笔如有神” = “Be well read, write when the spirit moves you.”

[The above is from a recent edition of 每日新报’s daily “interactive” news column — readers send in a short text message in response to an odd or strange news item]

Recently, in reading Ashley Kahn’s excellent book on the making of Miles Davis’ landmark Kind of Blue album, I found myself paying a bit closer attention to the connections between music and literature, especially between at least this one particular development in jazz and the developments afoot in Chinese literature during and after the May 4th movement. Davis was notably influenced by social factors in addition to his undeniable artistic inclinations, consciously shunning the outlandish outfits and attitudes of bebop and expanding his music beyond chord changes into rhythm and mode-based expression, thereby rooting himself in more “African” styles. Kahn notes that quite a few musicologists first noticed Davis’ album because of its “African-ness.” Davis was outspoken on his recurring desire to “reclaim” these roots in his music, and exploration which led, not only to Kind of Blue, but to later fusion classics like Bitches Brew and the live albums Pangaea and Agharta.

Chinese scholars and writers in the early 20th-century, most notably Hu Shi and Lu Xun, were also in search of a unique vocabulary for their age. They, much like Pushkin in Russia before them, consciously shunned the classical modes of expression and began writing in the vernacular, a style called bai hua (白话). This resulted in an explosion of new literature, new approaches to excepted patterns in poetry and essays, and a general re-evaluation of culture. It was a conscious rebellion against what many Chinese of that period considered to be an approach to the world which made the Chinese people weak.

The parallels between the two, just at a cursory glance, are numerous and, since I have only begun to think about them, impossible to spell out here. First, although it’s a bit of a stretch to say considerations of social injustice motivated jazz musicians primarily, it certainly isn’t a stretch to say that the evolution of jazz forms like bebop, cool, and even fusion weren’t responses to the age itself, and in some cases, like with Miles Davis, were outwardly on display. The May 4th Movement was primarily motivated by the need for a new form of literary expression, one which could purport, in its simplicity and accessibility, to represent the people. Second, there was the general belief that art somehow lay at the foundation of national or ethnic identity. Along with this is the intriguing possibility of analyzing Chinese language from the standpoint of music rather than English-language literature. Might we find closer parallels for Chinese poetry, for example, in the musical vocabulary of Thelonius Monk or Miles Davis or Ornette Coleman?

This is simply my attempt to get my thoughts out there. If anyone reading this has any insights into the question, please feel free to respond.

山东一男子倒车时听到有人在拍打自己的车后盖，走下车才知道，原来自己倒车时不小心撞到了一位正在等出租车的男子。两人因此发生纠纷，并为赔偿问题争执起来，派出所进行协调仍然无果。这时有人提议“反正人没有受伤，车也没有大碍，不如谁也别要赔款了，都给四川灾区捐点钱得了！”二人都点头同意，各自往捐款箱里捐了200元人民币后握手言和。　　

In Shandong, a guy was backing up his car when he heard someone hitting the trunk, so he got out to see what was happening. Turns out that he’d carelessly bumped into a guy who was waiting for a taxi. The two got into an argument, and at the police station couldn’t come to any agreement. Then someone suggested that “since no one had been hurt, and there’d been no damage to the car, maybe it’s better if no one pays compensation, and each guy donates a little something to the earthquake disaster relief fund!” Both men nodded in agreement, went over to the donation box, dropped in 200 yuan and shook hands, ending the argument.

1. 怒气化为爱心，拳头变为援手，无情的灾难造就了有情的同胞！
Anger turns into compassion, fists become helping hands, a merciless disaster has brought out affection among our compatriots!

2. 相声版《纠纷》，结局让人爆笑。 现实版《纠纷》，结局令人感动。
The cross-talk version of “Let’s Argue!”: it ends with people laughing. The real-life version of “Let’s Argue”: it ends by being very touching!

3. 化解矛盾，捐献爱心。是不是可以设立“爱心罚款”治理各类违章？
Reconcile disputes, donate compassion. Couldn’t we set up a “compassion fine” to handle these kinds of situations?

4. 国难当前，爱心为重。握手言和，共同抗灾！
In the face of a national crisis, compassion is the most important thing. Shake hands in peace, fight this disaster together!

[The above is from a recent edition of 每日新报’s daily “interactive” news column — readers send in a short text message in response to an odd or strange news item]

老有辆黑色奔驰车在后面跟着自己，你快它也快，你慢它也慢，让它也不超车，看着开阔的杭宁高速公路，桑塔纳车主谢先生的心悬了起来：“难道是被人跟踪了？” 等两辆车紧急停下来一吵吵，才知道是奔驰车主的妈妈说，奔驰超越桑塔纳，隐含了“奔桑”(谐音奔丧）的坏兆头，超不得。

The black Mercedes stayed right behind him, if he sped up, it would speed up, if he slowed down, it would slow down, and since the Hang-Nan highway was pretty wide open and the Mercedes wouldn’t pass, Mr. Xie, who was driving a Santana, began to worry: “Could it be that someone is tailing me?” It was only after the two stopped to argue that Mr. Xie learned the mother of the driver of the Mercedes was saying that if a Mercedes overtakes a Santana, this is a bad omen meaning “you are on your way to a funeral,” so they could not pass.

Note: The first syllable of “奔驰” (Mercedes: bēn chí) and the first syllable of “桑塔那” (Santana: sāng tǎ nà) when put together sound like “奔丧” bēn sāng (going home to a funeral)

Reader comments:

1. 真是不开普桑不知开普桑的乐，不开奔驰不知开奔驰的苦啊。]
Really, if you don’t drive a Santana you don’t know the pleasure of driving one, and if you don’t drive a Mercedes, you don’t know the pain!

2. 斯泰尔卡车：“小奔”，你们也不敢超我吧！嘿嘿。
Sitaier truck: “Little Mercedes, you wouldn’t dare pass me,” hehe…
[Sitaier kind of looks like a Mack truck]

3. 奔驰：你要是马自达，我早就成“奔马”了！
Mercedes: If you had been a Mazda, I could have been a “galloping horse”!
[奔驰 + 马自达 = 奔马 bēn chí + mǎ zì dá = bēnmǎ, image of a powerful horse in Chinese art]

4. 德利卡见宝马还不得玩儿命，“得宝” 呀。
If a Delica sees a BMW, one still should not risk everything just to “get rich.”
[德利+宝马 = 德宝 (dé lì + bǎo mǎ = dé bǎo, get rich]

5. 明儿就买辆普桑，二手的，见大奔就超，咱也牛他一把！
Tomorrow I’m gonna buy a secondhand Santana, when I see a big Mercedes I’m gonna pass him and make him feel bad!

[The above is from the 每日新报’s daily “interactive” news column — readers send in a short text message in response to an odd or strange news item]

郭敬明从出道至今一直处在舆论的风口浪尖上，昨日，美国《纽约时报》的一篇报道让他再次成为热点，该报道评价他为 “中国最成功的作家”. 对于如此高的评价，郭敬明表示：“虽然我还没看到这个报道，但能得到这样的评价，我觉得很荣幸，这让我觉得从另一个层面得到肯定，是种巨大的鼓舞，希望未来的自己会更强.”

Ever since Guo Jingmin came to the public’s attention, he’s been at the center of controversy, and yesterday, following an article about him that appeared in the American newspaper The New York Times, he again became a hot topic after the article described him as “the most successful writer in China today”… About that kind of praise, Guo Jingmin said, “Although I haven’t yet seen this article, I’m honored to receive such high praise, I feel I’ve reached another level of affirmation, it’s a huge inspiration and I hope that my future will be even brighter.”

[Note: This is the lead paragraph from the article in The New York Times on May 4th: “The most successful writer in China today isn’t Gao Xingjian, the winner of the 2000 Nobel Prize, or even Jiang Rong, the author of the best-selling novel Wolf Totem, just released in the United States. It’s 24-year-old Guo Jingming, a pop idol whose cross-dressing, image-obsessed persona has made him a sensation in a country where the Communist dictatorship advocates prudery and heterosexuality. Thousands of teenagers — his readers are rarely over 20 — flock to Guo’s signing sessions.”

Reader comments:

1.墙内开花墙外香。
Behind the wall something blossoms, outside the wall it smells fragrant.

2.一样的作家，不一样的认定，既是中西教育的差别，也是中外文化的碰撞。
Same writer, very different judgments — must be the differences in Chinese and Western educational systems, a collision of cultures.

3.假冒伪劣产品有时也让人当真品买走！
Sometimes fake products can seem like the real thing!

4.蛇：穿上进口的马甲就谁都认不出来了。
Snake: If I put on a suit of armor, no one will recognize me.

[Note: The above post is taken from the 每日新报’s daily “interactive” column — readers are invited to send a short text message to the newspaper in response to a selected news item.]

广东肇庆市旅游部门发布《旅游行业礼仪规范与行动准则》，其中的“标准服务语言”中规定，对成年男性要称呼“先生”，对境外男性要慎用可能引起歧义的 “同志”称呼，禁止使用目前民间较为俗气的“靓仔”、“帅哥”等称呼；对成年女性称呼“小姐”，忌用“美女”、“靓女”，对年纪较大的女性忌称“阿姨”。

In Guangdong, the city of Zhao Qing tourist bureau issued a “Tourism Profession’s Guide to Behavior and Etiquette,” which included these rules for standard service language: adult men are to be called “Sir”; men from outside the country can be called “Comrade,” but use caution because the term can lead to confusion [Note: The Chinese word for “Comrade” also means “gay”]; when people are around, absolutely avoid relatively vulgar terms, such as “guy”or “chap”; adult women are to be called “Miss,” don’t say “beautiful woman” or “pretty girl”; and as for older ladies, never call them “Auntie.”
　　
1. 游客：怎么称呼都行，只要不挨宰就知足了。
Tourist: Whatever they call me is fine, as long as they don’t get in my face.

2. 还是先开个听证会吧！
First there should be a public hearing!

3. 又来这一套，换汤不换药。称呼无所谓，服务待提高。
Another ruse, changing the form but not the essence. Who cares what we are called, we’re waiting for the service to improve!

4. 导游带着客人来到宾馆，急打电话请示：进门先迈哪条腿？
Tour guide arrives with guests at the hotel, urgently dials for instructions: Which leg do I use first to go through the door?

[Note: The above post is taken from the 每日新报’s daily “interactive” column — readers are invited to send a short text message to the newspaper in response to a news item.]

“勇，考考你：何水无鱼？何山无石？何树无枝？何子无父？何女无夫？何城无市？按序每句打一字，六字能拼成一句很浪漫的话，是什么？”重庆一名男子向女友求婚，不料却收到女友一段谜语，要猜出正确答案才同意嫁给他，男子问遍身边朋友，都未能给他正确答案。

“If you are Brave, here’s a test for you: What water has no fish? What mountain has no rocks? What tree has no branches? What son has no father? What woman has no husband? What city has no market? If you answer each question in order and begin each answer with a special character, what romantic saying will the six characters form? ” A young man who proposed marriage to his girlfriend unexpectedly got this riddle; his girlfriend agreed to marry him only if he could solve it. The young man asked all his friends, but no one could come up with the right answer!

[Note: The answer to the girlfriend’s riddle, given in a reader’s reply below, depends on double puns to produce the “romantic saying.” For example, the answer to the first question, What water has no fish? is “Rain” [雨 yǔ]” which sounds like the word for “with” [与 yǔ]; the answer to the second question, What mountain has no rocks? is “mud” [泥 ní], which sounds like “you”[你 nǐ] … The first two characters thus generated form the beginning of the sentence 与你地老天荒 [”With you for all eternity”] ..

1. 与(雨)水无鱼。你(泥)山无石。地(树桩)树无枝。老(老子)子无父。天(天女)女无夫。荒(荒城)城无市。与你地老天荒！
Rain water has no fish. Mud hills have no rocks. Tree stumps have no branches. Laozi has no father. Goddesses have no husbands. A wasteland has no market. [The answer to the riddle is:] With you for all eternity!

2. 小伙子算了吧，智商差距太大，成了也过不长！
Forget it, guy, the difference in your IQs is too great, and if you get married it won’t last long!

3. 孔子：女子无才便是德啊！
Confucius says: A woman without talent is a blessing!
[Note: This saying is attributed to Confucianism, not Confucius.]

4. 培训班广告：本培训班新增谜语培训业务!
Training class ad: We’ve just increased our training classes for professional riddlers!

[Note: The above post is taken from the 每日新报’s daily “interactive” column — readers are invited to send a short text message to the newspaper in response to a news item.]